How to Travel *Without* a Baby
Mom's first trip away
Today:
The process of leaving my daughter to travel alone for the first time.
Tips on booking a trip away from your baby.
Recs for the town of San Pancho, Mexico.
The Experience of Leaving
When people I admire mention they’ve traveled to cool places, I tend to jot down a note of it. This is how I learned about San Pancho.
One such person, a cool mom in fact, mentioned in passing that she’d just been to a great little beach town in the Mexican state of Nayarit due north of Sayulita, which had the alluring combination of bohemian, under-explored and chill.
It didn’t hurt that said cool mom was the Chief Creative Officer of Domino Magazine, a colleague of mine with impeccable taste.
I flipped through the photos of her trip on Instagram and typed “San Pancho” into my iPhone notepad.
—
When my husband first began gently encouraging me to take a weekend trip with my girlfriends, I was about eight months postpartum and emerging from the haze that clouded everything in sight besides my baby.
Did I want to have time off from parenting, to revisit the version of me who prioritized travel abroad, to sleep without a baby monitor? Oh yes. Could I imagine leaving my baby? When hell freezes over.
It was a strange thing, to feel deeply pulled to travel and to know that a few days of independence would be beneficial. At the same time, I held a disbelief that I could be anywhere far away from my daughter.
Nevertheless, I gave myself the tasks of recruiting friends, pulling a destination from that iPhone notepad and selecting dates while silently pretending the distant departure date would never actually arrive.
The volatility of my emotions in the days leading up to my first trip away from my daughter mirrored the wide range of feelings I experienced in those early postpartum months. There were plenty of tears, there was fear and there was a glimmer of hope.
And so, thirteen months after spending every single night in the same place as my daughter, after taking 14 flights with her on my lap and twelve with her in my belly, I boarded a plane alone.
—
In Mexico I met my two girlfriends, for whom I am endlessly grateful for tolerating the antics of a mom on her first trip away. When an airport security official in Puerto Vallarta questioned whether my Natural Cycles fertility-tracking thermometer was a vape pen, I instinctively answered, “No, soy madre!” as if the two were mutually exclusive.
I slept for three nights without an ear open for cries. I drank a tajín-rimmed margarita by the beach in a blissful silence that I never before could have appreciated.
To be truthful though, it felt entirely unnatural to leave my daughter.
It may seem dramatic, but the experience at first was akin to the way I felt on the hardest day of my life: the day I had to leave my four-day-old baby in the hospital NICU after I myself was discharged from the postpartum ward. The familiar sadness of being without her permeated the flight towards a baby-free vacation in Mexico.
What is also true, however, is that during the weekend I was away it felt quite natural to be only me again. With no baby to consider in my decisions, I was reminded of how to make decisions that consider me.
When I arrived home from Mexico, in the rush of recapping my husband and squeezing my daughter, I blurted out “it was the most normal I’ve felt in a year!”
“Well,” I corrected myself, glancing down at the baby in my arms, “I guess that wasn’t really what’s normal anymore.”
Normal is ever-changing. In the end, this trip took me one step closer to integrating the person I was before having a baby and the person I am becoming now that she is here.
—
Four Tips for a Successful Trip Away
The keys to booking a trip away from baby.
Go for simple transportation. This trip was a three hour direct flight from my home airport to Puerto Vallarta, then a 45 minute shuttle ride from PVR to the town of San Pancho. While it may seem like a long distance for some, my travel ambitions tend to get quite far-fetched so it gave me comfort knowing I could be back with my daughter within a matter of hours.
Consider starting small. While the transportation was simple enough, three nights away in a foreign country was a big jump from spending every night in the same place as my daughter for over a year. I found myself wishing I had done a trial run first; a one-night stay somewhere not too far from home to ease into separation.
Choose a manageable destination. San Pancho is a small town with one main road which runs right into the beach. This was an excellent choice for a first trip away from baby; it is safe to walk around at any hour and has plenty to do (beach, shops, restaurants, hotel pool) without there being any “required” sightseeing or “must-eat” restaurants which might have added pressure to the weekend. Not needing a car to get around town also kept things easy.
Keep the schedule open. We had a rough idea of how we’d spend our days (more on that below) and some restaurants pinned on Google maps, but otherwise we remained open to where the days would take us. One of the best parts about going away without the baby was this very flexibility; we could sit longer at a great lunch in a cafe or shop around town at our leisure. Interestingly, this ties to one of my favorite things about becoming a parent: how much I now appreciate being able to do the types of things that I would have taken for granted before having a baby.
San Pancho Recs: Lodging
Our choice was the PAL.MAR Hotel Tropical. Aesthetically, this boutique hotel was exactly where one’s mind might transport them when dreaming of a kid-free vacation (though, to be fair, there were families at the hotel!)
In our Palapa Suite, my room had a thatched roof and views of abundant green foliage. While the pool was the only major amenity, our suite had a kitchenette with a filtered water tap and there was powerful AC. The location was perfect, on a side street just off the main road and right across from some seriously good tacos. Solidifying the zen vibe, there was a peaceful yoga shala next door.
Though, there was a downside to San Pancho being a small town. On our first night, there was a huge private party being thrown just a few streets away which went on until four in the morning. Our thatched palapa roof did not protect us from any sound whatsoever and the restful first night away I was expecting turned into a very restless night indeed. The DJ’s voice was so clear and the music so loud they may as well have been in the room with me.
We reasoned that if the party went on a second night (thankfully it did not), we would just have to join them! And how free I felt, joking about showing up at a party unannounced in the middle of the night, an option so outside of my usual mom life repertoire.
San Pancho Recs: Things to Do
A timeline of our favorite spots in San Pancho.
Bistro Orgánico: Nestled in the Hotel Cielo Rojo, this restaurant has both a lovely outdoor patio ambiance as well as a solid brunch menu. On our first full day we stayed a while and chatted surrounded by plants, blue sky and tranquil vibes.
Casa Gourmet: This tiny French cafe was our prime stop for the to-go iced lattes that fueled our mornings. Their pastries are also legendary around town.
Playa San Pancho: The local beach right at the end of the main road Avenida Tercer Mundo is both casual and picturesque. We easily walked up and got beach chairs in the front row facing the ocean where we could order food and drinks throughout the day. The whole experience was relaxed and inexpensive.
Elote Arte: When we were ready to leave the beach, a stroll around town stopping into the many boutiques was in order. My favorite was Elote Arte with curated artisan jewelry, clothes and home accessories in beach chic style. I took home a blue-and-white-checkered version of the woven beach tote above.
Limbo: Dinner at Limbo for outdoor dining right on the street a block from the ocean. We ate delicious ceviche and I tried huitlacoche (translates to ‘corn smut’ and tastes much better than it sounds) for the first time.
Maria’s: Our second day started at Maria’s, the spot in town for a classic Mexican breakfast.
Tierra Tropical Beach Club: Day one we went casual, day two we went next level. A 15 minute walk through quiet roads from San Pancho sits this beach club. This secluded part of Playa San Pancho provided a completely different experience from the public beach the day prior. While it was the splurge of our trip - with food and drinks it came out to about $150 pp for the day - the experience was worth the price. The beach club has the amenities of a resort (private beach-front loungers with dining service, a gorgeous pool, oceanfront restaurant) without any guest rooms. It was the rare combination of off-the-beaten-path and luxurious.
Taquería Los Arbolitos: We balanced the spending from the beach club with what was intended to be a street taco tour of San Pancho for dinner. The tacos at this place across the street from our hotel were so good, however, that we threw the tour out the window and stayed for multiple rounds. The fresh salsa bar made the tasty tacos even better.
Chido Greens: On our last morning we stopped at this little spot which ended up having the best coffee of the trip and is a great place for smoothies and healthy food options you may expect to find in a bigger city.
If San Pancho is on your list, you can also check out this article from Here Magazine about the women-owned businesses in town.
New to Carry On? Check out the archive where most recently I wrote about taking Sixteen Flights with an Infant.
Thanks for reading!
This is wonderful! I so identify with the starting small part-- it’s like a shock to the system when they’re not there. Great tips for San Pancho, as well!
Wonderful tips! I think I've gotten to the gangster point in my mom journey. I booked a trip today to a podcast conference by myself later this month....the last time I traveled alone was in between two lockdowns in Australia...I went to Uluru by myself for about the same timeframe. My boys are 9,9, and 12. I vote for going somewhere safe that's my number one and clean. My childless sister asked me about my eating while alone and I was like....wow cares....I'm just running on fumes....traveling alone is EASY! We went from Australia to the USA on a 14-hour economy flight with all our stuff.....me alone is JOY on stilts!